ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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