I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
