You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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