Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
