my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
