I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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