i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dear god my vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
