Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
