my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize