apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
