My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
