i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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