well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
