Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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