He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
