Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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