listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
