His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
