I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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