I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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