HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
