I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
