Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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