Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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