On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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