whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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