Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
