kristin has been a bad kristin
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize