Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
