You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
