can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
