i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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