just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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