He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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