Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
