No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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