Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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