I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
