Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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