I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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