i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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