why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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