The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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