he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
