I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you had me at cake vodka
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize