i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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