I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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