I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
