Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
