I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
