There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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