Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
