So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
