Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
