afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
