you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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