the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My balls are so social today.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
