Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Randomize
