I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
