If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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