halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
