Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
