I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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