I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
