You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
