I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
