I hate your face
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You are a genius and a whore.
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