I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So here I am, sexting at work.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
