So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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