Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
