remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I looked at my own cervix.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
