I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
