The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
