What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
