that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
