help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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