K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
