I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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