I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
