I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
