I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
