i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
