no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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