I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just google imaged poop.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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