You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
