You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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