Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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