those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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