It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
