Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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