I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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