Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
